Five years ago today I was sinking into the deepest valley I ever traveled in my life. Today I reflect on how far I’ve come and shed a tear for the memory of it all.
Pain and sadness are such strong emotions. I wonder will it ever be possible to reflect on this moment and not feel the sting of pain or the suffocation of sadness. I want so much to think on the good. I want so much to smile at the pictures in my memory but I can’t – just yet.
So I sit here journaling about my feelings, wiping away tears and gasping for breath. Praying to God that he continue to hold me in His hand, comfort my heart and give me strength to move forward in the healing process. I send two kisses up to heaven knowing that they will reach the little cheeks of the ones these sweet kisses are intended for.
The only thing that gives me comfort is that He knows what is best for me. In that I must trust – it was the only thing that allowed me to move out of the valley and start to climb to my mountain top. I haven’t reached it yet but with each step I am getting closer. And for that I am thankful.
Does time really heal hurt? It doesn’t remove it completely but it does allow you to slowly heal. Time also softens the blow of the pain from the hurt. I believe over time I will be able smile and the good thoughts will dominate when I reflect back on this memory. Until then I lean on someone who is stronger than me – God. Until then I reflect by sharing my feelings with paper and pen.